I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
