I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
