Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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