Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Your cock deserves a montage
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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