he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
