Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
