i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
