Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
