You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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