Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
