I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
