ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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