He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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