I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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