He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
