real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
