you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
