did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
