What a fucking waste of an outfit
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
they need to just BURY HIM!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
