Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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