he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
