I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
