This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
