Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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