i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
