good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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