I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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