you traded sex for a burrito?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
