we have pet lesbian snakes
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
