I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
