you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
