And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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