He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
