Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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