Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So here I am, sexting at work.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
