THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
