Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
