I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
