hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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