I think I died a long time ago.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
