woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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