My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
