i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
