I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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