Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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