if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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