She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
