If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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