I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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