There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
