We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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