I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
