soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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