Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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