I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
