I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
