Dual....:-)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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