if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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