I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
