Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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