I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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