operation harelip BJ is a go
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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