i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
