what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm always down for nudity.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
