I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
