I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I intend to get homeless drunk
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
