Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize