I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
