Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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