I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
